I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
