New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
