He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
