I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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