ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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