u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
