I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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