it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
