i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
We need to get me chipped asap
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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