He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
