Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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