I wish I could punch you in the face.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
