You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
