wrigley field is MILF paradise
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
