She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
