If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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