Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
