Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
We named our party play list daddy issues
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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