My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
