I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
