cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
