Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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