They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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