I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
