whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
