my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
