Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
