i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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