I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
