Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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