I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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