I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
