Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
