yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
babies were throwing up all over the place
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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