Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
