you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Someone came in the potted fern
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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