A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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