I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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