I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
