you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
