Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
