Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
