real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
