Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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