Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
