Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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