I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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