Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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