dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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