I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
