It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
