Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
