Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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