I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My penis needs a shock collar
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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