Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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