big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
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